After tonight, I doubt I'll actually talk to any of my regular fuck buddies again because I'm completely in awe of this Peruvian/Chinese kid. It's a been a very, very long time since someone that I was emotionally attracted also was okay with my nymphomaniac-like ways... but he is. In fact, he has made me want him more than I've wanted anyone in a very, very long time.
I've actually known him for about 4 years now, and we have mutual friends, but what's funny is we never spoke. We're FaceBook friends, and he posted his Tumblr link on FaceBook, so I followed him. We started reblogging each other, and during one of my more whore'ish moods he noticed that all the photos I was reblogging were pornographic. We started casually flirting on Tumblr, then FaceBook, and I actually just hung up the phone with him. We had a really amazing conversation, and he made feel better than I have in months. So this could be a good thing.
Now to the sex. So, we haven't fucked. We have a "date" Monday, but in all honestly I wouldn't be upset if that turned into a sexcapade because we have plans to go to Coney Island next weekend.Because I haven't been feeling well, I told him we'd have to wait until Monday, and that was earlier this week... and every day since he has spent trying to convince me otherwise. It started with messages in my Ask box on Tumblr.. he sent me "You'd be against the wall, both your hands will be pinned with one of mine. I'd be ripping your clothes off, one by one. I'd be kissing, licking, and biting every inch of your body. I'd have my body pressed against your so you'd feel everything. My hand would be caressing your body, from your tits to your pussy. Once all your clothes are off and you've become wet. I'd toss you on the bed and start eating you out. Making your legs shake and quiver." on Tumblr. I swear to God I was pretty much ready to show up on his doorstep in a trench coat with nothing underneath. THEN the next day I get bombarded with tremendously sexy messages while in class. I mean the kind of messages that have you squirming in your seat, curling your toes, and praying no one notices who hard your breathing. Tonight we had phone sex, and I have to say, since the last time I heard his voice, it has definitely gotten sexier. Much sexier. And hearing him moan my name... well damn.
But was nice, though, was that we were on the phone for about 2 hours, and we actually talked. I don't open up to many people. I told him about my fucked up family, and the personal issues I've been having that I couldn't seem to talk to anyone about. He actually made me cry with all of the sweet things he was saying, I've been in such a rut that hearing someone compliment me, and it sounding sincere was just overwhelming. And then we did something I haven't been able to do since my ex.. fell asleep on the phone. So cute. I loved it.
God, I haven't been in a truly healthy, functional relationship for a while... God only knows how this'll end up.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Decisions...
I've become so overwhelmed with this dating thing that I've overbooked myself this weekend with two Italians... well one Italian, one half Italian (and half Puerto Rican). I know my Italian friend will go on at nauseum if I cancel, or change our plans to hang out. I guess I'll have to move my Italian/Puerto Rican to Friday. In truth, as much as I love hanging out with the full Italian (and yes, by hang out I mean have sex, but we also are somewhat friends) I can't seem to figure out why he wanted to chill so badly. Like I said, I adore him, but I can't help thinking he has an agenda. Which is fine, I guess, he's one of those people I can't complain about it. I know how he is. I guess I'll just be happy with that the fact that he doesn't refer to me as "that fat Puerto Rican bitch that thinks I love her, but really I just use her for rides" like this other girl... at least not to my face, but I can only hope he doesn't at all.
Now, the Italian/Puerto Rican is a different case. I actually like him. Not just his cock. (But that's not bad either). He's a sweetie, and we hang out more than we fuck. His brother and I are close, and we met one day while I was chilling with his brother. We hit it off. I've been having some personal life issues, and haven't been around as much. He's such a cutie, he calls my phone and says "[Mel]!! Baby, I miss your face. Let's hang out this Saturday! We can get food, smoke, go to a party, whatever you want. I know the last time we spoke you weren't doing well, we'll just have a good time." That really touched me. Yeah, I can somewhat talk to my Italian fuck buddy, but only to a degree. This kid, the half Italian, is genuinely my friend. I don't even call him my fuck buddy because we're not like that at all. I really just adore him. I don't have many friends, and it's nice to know he considers me one.
Anyhow, I found the perfect outfit. It's something my friends and I like to call "Whore-Couture". Not "slutty" but definitely showing more skin than I would for a regular friend. That's for my Italian/Puerto Rican, because he's worth it, and I know he genuinely wants to see me more than just my cleavage (but he'll be able to see that too). I'm not sure what I'll wear Saturday. I'll figure it out.
Now, the Italian/Puerto Rican is a different case. I actually like him. Not just his cock. (But that's not bad either). He's a sweetie, and we hang out more than we fuck. His brother and I are close, and we met one day while I was chilling with his brother. We hit it off. I've been having some personal life issues, and haven't been around as much. He's such a cutie, he calls my phone and says "[Mel]!! Baby, I miss your face. Let's hang out this Saturday! We can get food, smoke, go to a party, whatever you want. I know the last time we spoke you weren't doing well, we'll just have a good time." That really touched me. Yeah, I can somewhat talk to my Italian fuck buddy, but only to a degree. This kid, the half Italian, is genuinely my friend. I don't even call him my fuck buddy because we're not like that at all. I really just adore him. I don't have many friends, and it's nice to know he considers me one.
Anyhow, I found the perfect outfit. It's something my friends and I like to call "Whore-Couture". Not "slutty" but definitely showing more skin than I would for a regular friend. That's for my Italian/Puerto Rican, because he's worth it, and I know he genuinely wants to see me more than just my cleavage (but he'll be able to see that too). I'm not sure what I'll wear Saturday. I'll figure it out.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I Feel Like I start My Relationships Backwards
Any normal, healthy person would say I do. Sex first, then a relationship. But, for me, it's more practical. My mother taught me that abstinence wasn't healthy because you didn't want to get married and then all of the sudden find your husband is a freak. You wouldn't know what to do! But to me, sex is a big part of my relationship. It's not everything, but I would say it was about 40% of it. It may sound shallow, but I've ended relationships where the sex was beyond repair. You know those kind, where it just doesn't work, and the entire time you're thinking "God, I really need a cigarette.".
Lately, I've been going on a lot of legitimate dates. I haven't dated (like actually dated) in a while, so it's a bit out of my element. It sounds weird, yes, but going to someone's house with the sole intention to fuck is different then going out to dinner, and movie. I somewhat feel like my fuckbuddies know me better then the people I go on dates with. My 13 year old boy humor, and "That's What She Said!" jokes are acceptable to them... I mean, if I've sucked your cock, you better be okay with my corny sex jokes! I even shared my blog with one of my bedbuddies (the Italian) who, being his cocky but lovable self, loved reading about himself in bed. One of my bed buddies asked me out on a date. An actual date. I know, according to society's rightist doctrine of beliefs, I should be thrilled. In all honesty, I'm nervous as fuck! I mean, it's easy to show, get high, have amazing, earth shattering sex, and then lay in bed and talk. But how does that change outside of the bedroom?
I have until this weekend to ponder over this before the date. I may even upload a photo of what I'm wearing, when I decide. God, I feel like a 15 year old girl on her first real date, all over again. Only this time, I hope I won't end up getting sick on the date. But my date was nice about it then, he was 17, held my hair while I puked, then we sat in his car, blasting music, and smoking. He even called me again! I miss those times, when everything was so simple.
Lately, I've been going on a lot of legitimate dates. I haven't dated (like actually dated) in a while, so it's a bit out of my element. It sounds weird, yes, but going to someone's house with the sole intention to fuck is different then going out to dinner, and movie. I somewhat feel like my fuckbuddies know me better then the people I go on dates with. My 13 year old boy humor, and "That's What She Said!" jokes are acceptable to them... I mean, if I've sucked your cock, you better be okay with my corny sex jokes! I even shared my blog with one of my bedbuddies (the Italian) who, being his cocky but lovable self, loved reading about himself in bed. One of my bed buddies asked me out on a date. An actual date. I know, according to society's rightist doctrine of beliefs, I should be thrilled. In all honesty, I'm nervous as fuck! I mean, it's easy to show, get high, have amazing, earth shattering sex, and then lay in bed and talk. But how does that change outside of the bedroom?
I have until this weekend to ponder over this before the date. I may even upload a photo of what I'm wearing, when I decide. God, I feel like a 15 year old girl on her first real date, all over again. Only this time, I hope I won't end up getting sick on the date. But my date was nice about it then, he was 17, held my hair while I puked, then we sat in his car, blasting music, and smoking. He even called me again! I miss those times, when everything was so simple.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Going On a Date Has Become A Foreign Endeavor
Even just going out without the promise that there will be a lot of sex afterwards is weird. Something about this logic seems flawed, but oh well, it's me. So, my old neighbor from when I was young add me on FaceBook. The last time I remember seeing him I was like 15 or 16 years old, and he was higher than a motherfucker. After adding him, I see that he is now clean, and sober, and trying to better his life. Makes me happy, I always love when others do well. He hit me up a day or so after I added him, asking about life, and my family, and finally drops a number and says too give him a call if I wanted to chill or anything. Obviously I did. He was always nice, and a very sweet guy.
Funny shit on how he found me on FaceBook though. One of my Italian fuck buddies was bitching about me not hitting him up when I was "told to" and misspelled patience. My old neighbor (he is German, to my knowledge, with the most adorable, big blue eyes) corrected his spelling in a comment. I was annoyed that he was bitching about ME in his status, seeing the amount of times he has blown me off, that I didn't even bother to see who insulted him, just liked the comment in spite of him.
Now, what I honestly don't understand about guys, is how the fuck their logic works. I mean, if you have an answer for me, please, drop it in a comment. Someone explain to me why it's okay for you to make "Ohh, I'd fuck her" comments about my friends to me, but when I even MENTION a friend of yours, whom you haven't seen for years, it becomes an issue? Why is THAT when you choose to be possessive? Because seeing that hypocritical, double standard is the most unattractive thing in the world to me.
So, me and my old neighbor when to the movies tonight. First we got Chinese food, talked about life, and whatnot, then walked over to the theater. We saw This Means War, my choice, mostly because I enjoy making guys sit through chick flicks. It was good, actually, and he didn't mind it too much. He's actually a lot smarted than I would have imagined, probably because I don't remember him ever being sober. He wants to go back to school, and be a drug counselor, which I think is lovely. All in all a good day. He walked with me home, as the theater is right down the street.
Now I just dread the "You went out with WHO?!" texts I'm about to get from some of my fuck buddies. If we just fucked, I would have gotten shit, but the fact that we went out out will drive them all insane. It's like when I decide to stop being a shallow bitch, and maybe grow up a little bit, everyone decides they actually want to do something with their lives and have a real relationship. Sigh. It's all so stupid, haha.
Funny shit on how he found me on FaceBook though. One of my Italian fuck buddies was bitching about me not hitting him up when I was "told to" and misspelled patience. My old neighbor (he is German, to my knowledge, with the most adorable, big blue eyes) corrected his spelling in a comment. I was annoyed that he was bitching about ME in his status, seeing the amount of times he has blown me off, that I didn't even bother to see who insulted him, just liked the comment in spite of him.
Now, what I honestly don't understand about guys, is how the fuck their logic works. I mean, if you have an answer for me, please, drop it in a comment. Someone explain to me why it's okay for you to make "Ohh, I'd fuck her" comments about my friends to me, but when I even MENTION a friend of yours, whom you haven't seen for years, it becomes an issue? Why is THAT when you choose to be possessive? Because seeing that hypocritical, double standard is the most unattractive thing in the world to me.
So, me and my old neighbor when to the movies tonight. First we got Chinese food, talked about life, and whatnot, then walked over to the theater. We saw This Means War, my choice, mostly because I enjoy making guys sit through chick flicks. It was good, actually, and he didn't mind it too much. He's actually a lot smarted than I would have imagined, probably because I don't remember him ever being sober. He wants to go back to school, and be a drug counselor, which I think is lovely. All in all a good day. He walked with me home, as the theater is right down the street.
Now I just dread the "You went out with WHO?!" texts I'm about to get from some of my fuck buddies. If we just fucked, I would have gotten shit, but the fact that we went out out will drive them all insane. It's like when I decide to stop being a shallow bitch, and maybe grow up a little bit, everyone decides they actually want to do something with their lives and have a real relationship. Sigh. It's all so stupid, haha.
Friday, February 17, 2012
It's Kind Of Nice To Be Asked For Once
So, while talking to someone I have yet to sleep with, but do plan to this summer (distance SUCKS) he threw me off. He asked me if I would be okay just having sex with him. Now, in an ideal world, every guy would ask if there were any possible emotional attachments, and if it wasn't mutual, it would stated honestly. Of course this isn't an ideal world. So having someone actually ask was kind of nice. Like, I'm so use to not being considered, that I kind of expect, and accept it, I suppose. I can't really blame them entirely, not like I put u an argument (DADDY ISSUES, FOR THE WIN!), but still.
Anyhow, I just thought it was the sweetest damn thing. It made me cry afterwards, because I haven't had someone say something to me that made me like they gave the slightest fuck about me in that long. Then it made me cry that something that pathetic, shallow, and, really, insignificant made me cry. Basically it was one big tearfest.I'm actually still crying. So I'm going to go, smoke a blunt, and go for a walk.
Anyhow, I just thought it was the sweetest damn thing. It made me cry afterwards, because I haven't had someone say something to me that made me like they gave the slightest fuck about me in that long. Then it made me cry that something that pathetic, shallow, and, really, insignificant made me cry. Basically it was one big tearfest.I'm actually still crying. So I'm going to go, smoke a blunt, and go for a walk.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
FUCK YEAH KNICKS!
Okay, okay, okay. I know what you're saying, "This is a SEX blog. Why basketball?". Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to show my DIRTY JERSEY PRIDE right now. If Lin can get this 7th win I will go through my phone offering every Jersey born and bred guy a blow job. True story.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
My Entire Existence is a Big Fuck You To Valentines Day
I hate Valentine Day. I especially hate when fuck buddies get my Valentines Day gifts. It totally ruins the beauty of Valentines Day. Save chocolates, teddy bears, and flowers for someone you really have feelings for, not someone you're just fucking with, because I'm sure as hell not buying you anything. I don't have Valentines Day sex if I'm not in a relationship. It's my little tribute to it. But I have to say, my blonde post rehab buddy and I have fun plans for tomorrow. They consist of sitting at home, watching movies, cooking dinner together, getting high, watching more movies, and just generally having a good time. He also bought me a chocolate cake. A HUGE chocolate I'll never finish. I gave half to my mom. This is beginning to look like a relationship, which scares, and excites me at the same time.
Happy Valentines Day! IM DRUNK BITCHES!
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